The Word That Became Property
In 1987, Dale Morrison was just another struggling entrepreneur in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, trying to make his mark with a small advertising agency called "Nobody's Business Marketing." What happened next would turn him into one of the most legally feared men in America—not because he was particularly litigious by nature, but because the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office accidentally handed him ownership of a word that appears in the English language roughly once every 500 words.
Photo: Cedar Rapids, Iowa, via cedar-rapids.s3.amazonaws.com
Morrison's trademark application for "Nobody" seemed routine enough. He wanted to protect his company's slogan: "Nobody Does It Better." But a clerical error in the filing process, combined with an overworked examiner who apparently didn't read the full application, resulted in Morrison receiving an impossibly broad trademark that covered the commercial use of the word "nobody" in virtually any context.
The Accidental Empire
Morrison didn't immediately realize what had landed in his lap. The first hint came six months later when his lawyer called to congratulate him on what she called "the most valuable piece of paper in intellectual property law." The trademark didn't just cover his specific slogan—it covered any commercial use of the word "nobody" in advertising, marketing materials, product names, or business communications.
Under U.S. trademark law, this meant that every time a company used the word "nobody" in an advertisement, product description, or even internal memo that could be considered commercial speech, they were technically infringing on Morrison's intellectual property.
The scope was breathtaking. McDonald's "Nobody Makes a Big Mac Like McDonald's" campaign? Infringement. James Bond films using "Nobody Does It Better" as a theme song? Infringement. The children's television show "Nobody's Perfect" that aired on Nickelodeon? Also infringement.
The Lawsuit Factory
Morrison's first target was Burger King, whose "Nobody Makes Burgers Like Burger King" slogan had been running for three years. His cease-and-desist letter demanded $50,000 in damages and an immediate halt to the campaign. Burger King's legal team initially laughed it off—until they actually examined Morrison's trademark certificate.
The fast-food giant settled for an undisclosed sum rather than face a protracted legal battle over a single word. Word spread quickly through corporate legal departments, and Morrison found himself fielding calls from lawyers representing everyone from General Motors to Disney.
By 1989, Morrison had filed over 200 trademark infringement cases. His targets included:
- A soap opera that featured a character saying "Nobody understands me"
- A car dealership whose radio ads claimed "Nobody beats our prices"
- A publishing house that had printed a novel titled "Nobody's Fool"
- Three different insurance companies using variations of "Nobody protects you better"
Most companies settled rather than fight. Morrison's legal war chest grew from the initial Burger King settlement, allowing him to hire a team of intellectual property lawyers who scoured newspapers, television broadcasts, and radio ads for violations.
The Congressional Scramble
By 1992, Morrison's trademark had effectively weaponized one of the most common words in English. Corporate communications departments were issuing internal memos warning employees to avoid using "nobody" in any business context. Advertising agencies were hiring linguists to rewrite campaigns.
The situation reached peak absurdity when Morrison sued the Social Security Administration for a pamphlet that stated "Nobody should have to worry about retirement security." The federal government was being sued for using the English language.
Photo: Social Security Administration, via c8.alamy.com
Congress quietly began working on what would become known as the "Common Words Protection Act," though it was never officially titled that. The legislation aimed to prevent future trademark registrations of basic English words while grandfathering in existing legitimate trademarks.
The Unraveling
Morrison's empire began crumbling in 1994 when a coalition of major corporations decided to fight rather than settle. Led by IBM's legal team, they argued that Morrison's trademark was fundamentally invalid because "nobody" was too common and essential to the English language to be owned by any single entity.
The case that broke Morrison's hold was IBM Corp. v. Morrison, where IBM had been sued for a manual that stated "Nobody needs to struggle with complex software." IBM's lawyers argued that allowing Morrison to own "nobody" was equivalent to letting someone trademark "the" or "and."
The federal judge agreed, ruling that Morrison's trademark was "an abuse of the intellectual property system that threatens the fundamental right to communicate in English." The decision invalidated Morrison's trademark and established legal precedent preventing similar registrations.
The Aftermath
Morrison's seven-year reign over a single word netted him an estimated $12 million in settlements before the courts shut him down. The case prompted the USPTO to implement new review procedures for trademark applications involving common English words.
Today, Morrison runs a small insurance agency in Cedar Rapids. He's legally prohibited from discussing the specific terms of his various settlements, but court records show that most companies recovered their payments through counter-suits once his trademark was invalidated.
The "Nobody" case remains a cautionary tale in intellectual property law, cited in law schools as an example of how legal technicalities can create absurd real-world consequences. It also serves as a reminder that sometimes the most powerful weapon in litigation isn't a good lawyer—it's a government clerk who doesn't read the fine print.
As for Morrison himself, he's philosophical about his brief career as the owner of the English language: "Nobody could have predicted how that would turn out." He's presumably allowed to say that now.
